I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
