I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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