Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
