Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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