I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
