Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
