My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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