he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
