There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
