I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
