Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
