I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
