Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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