make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
