Where did you get a picture of my penis
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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