god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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