You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
