we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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