I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
