how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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