Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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