So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
