Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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