i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
