My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
