He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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