that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
