if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
