you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
