i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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