I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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