My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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