Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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