Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
