my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
