these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dignity is for republicans.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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