Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
