Swine flu. Run for my life!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
