Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
