ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
