Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
