This girl is more easily done than said...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
