you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
