Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
