I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
