I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
