I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
