Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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