question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
