It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
send nudes
from the living room?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
