Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
