Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
