two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
