Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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