I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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