you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
