Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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