and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
