I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
