just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
