I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
