He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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